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Violence is very subtle most times; and its massive manifestation, dreaded. Even in this day when she is leading many packs of men a work, calling equal shots at home and generally enjoying liberation, there could still be some violence that leaves her a victim, a silent victim. Well, she has been taught not to speak, she better not, and doesn’t. It’ll bring her shame.

Men know, we can brush past way too close to pass off as ‘accidental’, smack her in the rear, tear her, maul her, she won’t say a word. If she speaks, she’s blamed for having fanned the fire (or the desire?), leaving her victimized the second time. In any case, does anybody care how she’s affected? But doesn’t beyond violence and silence, lie a woman’s self-respect? A very vulnerable space of her. But why won’t she talk? Why does she choose suffering over an outpouring of humiliation - on the streets, at work, at home?

Sometimes we speak up, most times, we just ignore. That’s how we’ve been brought up. We have been taught to not to speak against sexual violence, for that’ll be our insult. Rather than seeing us as victims, we are told to just shut up.

Incidents of sexual harassment of unmarried women mostly go unreported, often under society’s pressures. At work, if the boss tries to take advantage of you, you can’t prove it. After marriage, if the wife is not willing for a physical relationship but is forced, it is in any case sexual harassment.

There was this woman victim who spoke up after years of abuse. Her husband would come home drunk and force her into a sexual intercourse. To avoid him, she began sleeping with her three daughters. But the man came down to tearing her clothes in front of his daughters. Helpless, the woman would go to the other room with him.

A few women are coming forward for filing complaints. But then there are some who come, but don’t want to pursue the matter. They fear that people will say she was ‘inviting’.

“Women working as domestic help at homes often become easy target. A big landlord recently raped his domestic help and to shut her up, gave her a pair of bangles, only to later accuse her of theft. We are fighting the case. But it doesn’t stop at that. We have to fight the police too. And eve-teasing is so common. Youth are unemployed, and all the time they have goes into exploring vulgar films, nudity… and all this hollows out their value-system”, says Amteshwar Kaur, High court lawyer.

“The police don’t have the sensitivity to handle cases of sexual harassment, including eve-teasing. They ask for the details of the incident at least 25 times, enough to discourage anybody,” she says.

Law’s not enough: “As regards sexual violence at workplace, there is no law.
But in one case, Vishakha Vs State of Rajasthan, the Supreme Court gave some directions that are used as guidelines for preventing sexual harassment of working women.
Thus, to some extent, protection is available, but in many departments, the complaint committee hasn’t been formed”. She does not think the law is weak; it’s the patriarchal society’s ways that hinder justice.

Amteshwar feels “there’s a lot in the books, but it’s not practical. Unless the laws are stringent, the culprits will be easily bailed out. Some part of the society is resisting this, but more sensitisation is needed. Women need to come forward; we are ready to assist them”.

Women need to stand up for themselves. There are various people ready to help them, but they’ll have to break the ice. Women need to come forward as a collective force and fight,” she says. The message is written on the wall: Women must be encouraged to speak up against sexual violence, and express their own truths. Only then will things change.