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When does childhood end and adulthood begin? The International Convention on the Rights of the Child defines a child as any human being below the age of 18. But in India, a signatory to the Convention, there has always been a great deal of confusion on the age below which one is considered a child. For example, the legal age of marriage for a girl is 18 but the age of sexual consent is 15. So, in effect, the law accepts that it is possible for a girl to be married by 15, even though that is in violation of the Prohibition of Child Marriage Act, 2006. The Child Labour Prohibition Act defines those below 14 as children and those between the ages of 14 to 18 are permitted to work in hazardous industries. It is with a view to clear this muddle that the Law Commission has sought to make the marriage age a uniform 18 for both boys and girls and the age of sexual consent 16. Of course, this still leaves much to be desired but is a welcome first step. .

The bewildering cornucopia of laws governing children and juveniles with their varying definitions of age has made it easy for abusers and offenders to exploit the loopholes and get away with crimes against children. In a country like India with its appallingly poor system of recording births and deaths, millions of children do not know their real age. This creates several problems. One, it denies access to children into the school system where a birth certificate is mandatory. Two, it once again allows the exploitation of children by unscrupulous people who can claim that the child is actually of the age of consent.

The Law Commission’s next step should be to recommend that the age of the child in all laws should be the same and based on scientific parameters and the definitions laid down in the Convention on the Rights of the Child. Local laws should also follow the same age guidelines as the national ones, so that there is no doubt as to who is or is not a child. India is bound to do so under the Convention on Child Rights that states that all signatories ensure that all legislation is fully compatible with the Convention. As with all our social sector laws, the devil lies in the implementation. We can only hope that the Law Commission’s efforts will not fall by the wayside and will translate into a real weapon against the exploitation of children.

Those who are adept at reading the tea leaves on the Kashmir issue may well find that the configuration is looking far better than it has for some years now. Even as winter tightens its grip over the volatile Valley, the militants find that they are skating on thin ice. The Hizbul Mujahedeen militants, once the undisputed overlords of Kashmir, are in tatters today after their ranks have been decimated by the security forces. Many of its cadres have surrendered and its top leadership, or what is left of it, is at loggerheads with each other. The other militant groups are also somewhat directionless today following the turmoil in Pakistan after Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. Pakistan’s Inter Services Intelligence, widely credited with orchestrating militancy in the Valley, appears to be lying low in light of the renewed international scrutiny on terrorism emanating from the region.

While it is odious to draw comparisons, the contrast between an economically buoyant India and a strife-torn Pakistan has never been more stark. The result has been that many of the Valley’s youth no longer consider Pakistan as a viable option to throw their lot in with. Rather, they are eager to make the best use of the opportunities offered by a new age India. This is not to suggest that the era of militancy is behind us. There is no doubt that on seeing the ground slipping from underneath their feet, the militants will try to mount spectacular attacks in different parts of India. But the dream of wresting Kashmir away from India is now a mirage. Given these factors, the situation is very much advantage India. The challenge now is for New Delhi to capitalise on these favourable developments and take measures to win over the sections in the state that still remain alienated from it. So far, successive governments have singularly failed to read the mood in the Valley and act accordingly. The time is ripe to deliver on the promises of developing infrastructure and industry in the state.

So fat, all efforts have been piecemeal and subject to political vagaries. Sticking points like the final resting place of Jammu and Kashmir Liberation Front founder Maqbool Butt’s remains - he was hanged in Tihar Jail in 1984 for the murder of an intelligence officer should be resolved. If the government fails to act now, the mood could well change as we have seen in the past. The story of Kashmir has been one of squandered opportunities. This time round, the government must not add to that score.

Last week I was travelling work. On my flight I saw an interesting impact of bird flu. The aircraft steward reached the person sitting next to me and announced that he had run out of vegetarian meal! My neighbour was understandably very upset, and did not mince words while expressing his displeasure. He did not take time moving from his frustration to a sermon on how the overall service of the flight was deteriorating and how disorganised they were. As he went on with his complaints, our extremely patient steward kept apologising and kept offering him other goodies that he could possibly catch hold of from the pantry: From the slowly rising to the peaking and then tapering of the passenger’s tone, the steward’s creativity was at its hilt. He finally managed to give some croissant butter, cookies, etc, to my irate neighbour. I’m sure at the exit he would also have beamed an extra smile at his customer thanking him for flying with their airlines.

This reminded me of another incident, I was sitting with the owner and CEO of a large company one day. Suddenly; his PA entered and announced that the purchase manager of a ‘customer’ had walked in a little earlier than scheduled. He immediately invited the ‘guest’ in and started with pleasantries. The purchase manager did not spend too much time before lashing out his complaints.

Each time the purchase manager shot a complaint Mr. CEO smiled and reassured the manager that he understood the inconvenience caused and that he would surely look into it. Very interestingly; Mr. CEO’s equal, if not more, emphasis was on serving tea and snacks to the customer.

Each time he offered an empathetic note, he also offered some munchies from the vast spread on the table. Once the manager cooled off, their conversation moved on to future business and commitments from both sides.

Barring the stature of the parties involved, both the above cases had a lot in common. Both the people managed to pass over the unpleasant and progress towards a solution. Be it with a customer or in any other professional or personal relationship, you do face times of test. What you do at that time would go a long way in deciding how the relationship looks in future.

These two incidents could be looked at as cases for good customer service however I look at them as maturity in handling relationships. This maturity partly comes from knowledge of ‘customer service’ or ‘assertive communication’ skills and techniques. It comes more intuitively where the stakes are high. For the airlines or the hospitality industry; an upset customer or for a businessman a large buyer sure means high stakes. In the face of loss of a huge amount of business or serious jeopardy to one’s career progress, managing this relationship comes very naturally.

However, when stakes are not high then one has to put special effort at managing relationships. Our natural response in slightly more comfortable relationships is to snap and say, “It’s not because of me!” or “Why me always!” etc. Only if we would take a minute and understand that the other person is just reacting to the temporary feeling of frustration and not necessarily has anything against me. If ‘I’ comes in between, then there are two complications rather than one.

The bottom line is: to manage any relationship well, at the point of confrontation or conflict; in that ‘moment of truth’ keep your complete focus on the other person and the difficulty he/she is facing. This is the time to exhibit nurturance in any relationship and to take it to a higher level. Once you’ve achieved this skill you’re sure to sail through that uneasy or difficult moment and move on.

Let me suggest a short test for yourself, are you continuing with your school friendships through your college and career life? Do you continue to call your earlier boss for advice or views? If your team has changed, are you still in touch with your earlier team members? Do you have long standing customers or clients?

Do you have a consistent loving relationship with your near ones? In any long relationship, you face moments when you choose between snapping and nurturing… what have you been choosing?