February 24th, 2008 
krishna Last week I was travelling work. On my flight I saw an interesting impact of bird flu. The aircraft steward reached the person sitting next to me and announced that he had run out of vegetarian meal! My neighbour was understandably very upset, and did not mince words while expressing his displeasure. He did not take time moving from his frustration to a sermon on how the overall service of the flight was deteriorating and how disorganised they were. As he went on with his complaints, our extremely patient steward kept apologising and kept offering him other goodies that he could possibly catch hold of from the pantry: From the slowly rising to the peaking and then tapering of the passenger’s tone, the steward’s creativity was at its hilt. He finally managed to give some croissant butter, cookies, etc, to my irate neighbour. I’m sure at the exit he would also have beamed an extra smile at his customer thanking him for flying with their airlines.
This reminded me of another incident, I was sitting with the owner and CEO of a large company one day. Suddenly; his PA entered and announced that the purchase manager of a ‘customer’ had walked in a little earlier than scheduled. He immediately invited the ‘guest’ in and started with pleasantries. The purchase manager did not spend too much time before lashing out his complaints.
Each time the purchase manager shot a complaint Mr. CEO smiled and reassured the manager that he understood the inconvenience caused and that he would surely look into it. Very interestingly; Mr. CEO’s equal, if not more, emphasis was on serving tea and snacks to the customer.
Each time he offered an empathetic note, he also offered some munchies from the vast spread on the table. Once the manager cooled off, their conversation moved on to future business and commitments from both sides.
Barring the stature of the parties involved, both the above cases had a lot in common. Both the people managed to pass over the unpleasant and progress towards a solution. Be it with a customer or in any other professional or personal relationship, you do face times of test. What you do at that time would go a long way in deciding how the relationship looks in future.
These two incidents could be looked at as cases for good customer service however I look at them as maturity in handling relationships. This maturity partly comes from knowledge of ‘customer service’ or ‘assertive communication’ skills and techniques. It comes more intuitively where the stakes are high. For the airlines or the hospitality industry; an upset customer or for a businessman a large buyer sure means high stakes. In the face of loss of a huge amount of business or serious jeopardy to one’s career progress, managing this relationship comes very naturally.
However, when stakes are not high then one has to put special effort at managing relationships. Our natural response in slightly more comfortable relationships is to snap and say, “It’s not because of me!” or “Why me always!” etc. Only if we would take a minute and understand that the other person is just reacting to the temporary feeling of frustration and not necessarily has anything against me. If ‘I’ comes in between, then there are two complications rather than one.
The bottom line is: to manage any relationship well, at the point of confrontation or conflict; in that ‘moment of truth’ keep your complete focus on the other person and the difficulty he/she is facing. This is the time to exhibit nurturance in any relationship and to take it to a higher level. Once you’ve achieved this skill you’re sure to sail through that uneasy or difficult moment and move on.
Let me suggest a short test for yourself, are you continuing with your school friendships through your college and career life? Do you continue to call your earlier boss for advice or views? If your team has changed, are you still in touch with your earlier team members? Do you have long standing customers or clients?
Do you have a consistent loving relationship with your near ones? In any long relationship, you face moments when you choose between snapping and nurturing… what have you been choosing?
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